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Voltaire: How Candide killed his dear Cunegonde’s brother

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Voltaire: How Candide killed his dear Cunegonde's brother

I shall have my whole life in memory the horrible day when I saw my father and mother killed, and my sister raped. When the Bulgarians were retired, the adorable sister was not found, and my mother, my father, and I, two maid-servants and three little slaughtered boys were put in a cart, to bury us in a Jesuit chapel two leagues of the castle of my fathers. A Jesuit threw us holy water; it was horribly salted; he entered a few drops in my eyes; the father perceived that my eyelid made a small movement; he put his hand on my heart, and felt it palpitate; I was rescued, and at the end of three weeks he did not appear. You know, my dear Candide, that I was very pretty; I became even more so; the Reverend Father Croust, Superior of the House, took also the most tender friendship for me; he gave me the habit of novice; some time afterwards I was sent to Rome. The father-general needed a recruit of young German Jesuits. The sovereigns of Paraguay receive as little as they can from Spanish Jesuits; they are more fond of strangers, of whom they think themselves more masters. I was judged clean by the Reverend Father General to go and work in this vineyard. We left, a Polish, a Tyrolean, and I. I was honored on arriving by a sub-diaconate and a lieutenancy: I am now a colonel and a priest. We shall receive vigorously the troops of the King of Spain; I reply that they will be excommunicated and beaten. Providence sends you here to assist us. But is it true that my dear Sister Cunegonde is in the neighborhood, with the governor of Buenos Ayres? Candide assured him by oath that nothing was more true. Their tears began to flow again.

The baron could not stop of kissing Candide; he called him his brother, his savior.

Ah! Perhaps,” he said, “we will be able to enter together, my dear Candide, as conquerors in the city, and take back my sister Cunegonde.”

That’s all I want, “said Candide. For I intended to marry her, and I still hope so.

You insolent!” replied the baron, “you would have the impudence to marry my sister, who has seventy-two quarters! I find you very brazen to dare speak to me of such a rash intention!

Candide, petrified by such a speech, replied,

“My Reverend Father, all the quarters of the world do nothing about it; I have drawn your sister from the arms of a Jew and an inquisitor; she has enough obligations for me, she wants to marry me. Master Pangloss has always told me that men are equal; and surely I will marry her.

That’s what we’ll see, rascal! said the Jesuit Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh; and at the same time gave him a great blow from the plate of his sword on his face. Candide instantly draws his own, and pushes it as far as the guard in the belly of the Jesuit Baron; but, withdrawing it all smoking, he began to weep:

Alas! my God! he said, “I have killed my old master, my friend, my brother-in-law; I am the best man in the world, and there are already three men whom I kill; and from these three there are two priests.

Cacambo, who was sentinel at the door of the leaf, came running.

All we have to do is to sell our lives for good,” said his master. “we shall doubtless enter the foliage; we must die with arms in our hands.

Cacambo, who had seen many others, did not lose his head; he took the Jesuit’s robe which the baron wore, placed it on Candide’s body, gave him the square cap of the dead man, and made him ride on horseback. All this was done in the twinkling of an eye.

“Let’s going to the gallop, my master; everyone will take you for a Jesuit who will give orders; and we will have crossed the frontiers before they can run after us. He was already flying, uttering these words, and shouting in Spanish:

“Clear the way, clear the way for the Reverend Father Colonel!

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